*** Thank you to Lani, Darius & Khadijah’s creator for giving me permission to use her sims. PLEASE follow her on WordPress (LaniBunny): www.sweetdreams25.wordpress.com – Her first story is live, and is about a conversation between Lani and Darius.
**** This story contains profanity, sensuality, infertility, and RAPE
I want to clarify that this retelling is not like previous memories/retellings that have been told. Rather than the memory being an experience that the reader experiences through the eyes of DJ, or another character, the story is being told solely as a retelling to lessen graphicness. The rape is non-violent, and I say this not in an attempt to minimize non-violent vs. violent rapes, but to assure my Dear Readers that this act was not physically brutal. However, it still might be triggering or uncomfortable/upsetting to read. Please proceed with caution, and if you want to skip the flashback/memory scene –or this story– it is completely understandable.
I absently sip tea that was poured into my cup seconds ago. This is the third pot of tea we have ordered since arriving at Descanso Gardens for Afternoon Tea, which wouldn’t be problematic in a normal situation, but the whole point of this meeting is to disclose…
…I reach for the cloth napkin draped across my lap, and blot the corners of my lips quickly before standing up and setting the napkin down on my chair. “If you’ll excuse me.” I grab my clutch, and smile, “Nature calls.”
“Mmhmm. We all know what that’s code for. You got yourself a rendezvous in some bushes, Drama-Mama?”
I shrug. “Nothing I planned, but Cato knows that spontaneity gets me wet. If I’m not back in a few minutes, don’t come looking for me” I wink.
“Mmm. The great outdoors got a lot freakier once you started shaking trees and bushes. Mother Nature ain’t safe from you.” Hera says, shaking her head but smiling approvingly.
“Nobody is,” Lani chimes in.
I smile deviously, while walking backwards momentarily, making eye-contact with Hera, “I should be wrapped in Caution tape.” I turn around and walk towards the restroom.
As I approach the small outdoor building, I casually walk past the door, and hide behind the wall momentarily.
I see a bench a short distance away, and make my way to it as quickly as I can without drawing attention to myself. I plop down with the grace of a newly-born elephant, and casually check my surroundings.
A few stragglers walk by, and I notice a couple not much further away stopping to stare at a plant. I roll my eyes, not understanding the attraction people have reading about random foliage on display, as I open my clutch and pull out a mini Grey Goose Vodka bottle. It’s been years, if not a decade-or-so since I’ve had a taste of liquid courage. I twist the lid and remove it, tilt my head back, place the bottle expertly to my lips, and drain the entire bottle. I swallow and the burn feels like a warm, forgotten memory. I melt into the bench and smile, as though I just got expertly-dicked.
I lick my lips, not wanting to waste a single drop of this delicious impending intoxication.
I close my eyes, as I feel the warm embrace of alcohol and sunshine blanket me. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t entertained thoughts of falling asleep right there, but I didn’t want Athena to discover her mom sleeping off drunkenness. Who knows what kind of trauma that would cause.
My eyelids flutter open. I pull out a small case of Tic Tac’s, lift the hatch, and let an army of breath mints invade my mouth. I slide the Tic Tac’s and empty bottle of Grey Goose back into my clutch and snap it closed. Most would leave the bottle behind, but when it’s beaten into you to recycle and compost, as it is where I live in Seattle, you leave no recyclable behind.
I head back to the table. The effects of alcohol are starting to take effect, and I’m wondering if I’m able to walk without giving myself away. You know those Memes where you think you’re looking your best when in reality you’re looking like a mess? Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid is happening with my gait. I set my clutch down, pick up my napkin, sit myself down, and reapply the napkin over my lap. I sigh inwardly. I did it! Nobody suspects a thing!
“Why do you look so relaxed?” Lani asks suspiciously.
SHIT. So much for that. “Huh?” I say sluggishly.
“Oh my God!” Hera clasps her hands to her mouth. “Did your husband actually meet you for a nooner?”
I look over at Thenie who looks like she would rather be anyplace other than here, and I can’t say I don’t feel the exact same. I shake off Hera’s words, “Of course not!” I laugh. “It wasn’t him.”
Uh-Oh. What did I just say? I want to kick myself.
Hera leans in, “Who was it then? Spill, Drama-Mama!”
Lani scoots her chair back with such force she instantly pops out of her chair, “It better-the-fuck-not be Darius! Where the fuck is he?” she growls. “Darius!” her voice grows louder, “We all know you’re here! Ain’t no use pretendin’ otherwise!”
I tug Lani’s arm, “Shhhh! It wasn’t Darius! Darius isn’t here!”
Lani turns red and sits down promptly.
“What the fuck is going on with you? First I find out you was fuckin’ my brother when we were kids, and now you’re cheatin’ on Cato? Girl, I don’t know you anymore. I thought we were tight.” Unstoppable tears spill from Lani’s eyes, and I feel like absolute shit.
“I-I wasn’t fucking anyone. I was just taking a moment. I was…” I sigh, and remove the Grey Goose bottle from my clutch.
“This. This is what I was doing.” I turn to Athena. “I wasn’t cheating on Daddy. I…” I turn my attention to the empty bottle. How so many years ago I used alcohol as a coping mechanism. “I-I cheated on myself.”
“But why?” Lani asks softly.
I bite my lip, trying to hold myself together. “Because this has just been too much, and I’m at a breaking point.” I shake my head no. “No, no actually I’m already there. I’m broken. I’m broken, Lani.”
Lani offers me a smile. “I get it.” Her arms fan out, “This whole thing musta been too much. Meetin’ up with a child you didn’t know was alive. I know I didn’t make it easy for you. I’m sorry if I caused you any added stress.”
“And I’m sorry, too, Lani. I know that to Darius and I, our past is old news. To you it’s a new discovery, and one that was…steeped in dishonesty. I don’t know how I’ll ever earn your trust back, but I’d like to try…” I turn to face Athena, “There are things I never shared with you about David. Mostly because I thought you were too young, but I realize now that there was more to my hesitation. Reliving trauma you have never healed from is too painful to bear, so I just kept it to myself.” I take a deep breath and exhale. I look over at Lani. “I need to tell you why being with Darius was so necessary.” I turn my attention to Athena, “I need to tell you what type of man your father was,” I turn briefly to Hera, “and I need you to know that even though I didn’t raise you, you’re still my daughter, and I want you to hear this story because I don’t want what happened to me to happen to you.”
Usually, I had to come home straight after school, but since it was the last day of the school year, it wasn’t necessary for me to rush home. David’s mom worked two jobs, so he and his brothers could do as they pleased.
He asked if I wanted to come to his house. I was really nervous, because I didn’t want to do something…I would regret, but I figured that if his two older brothers were home there was less chance that anything would happen. Neither of us were into public displays of affection. When he brought me to his house, nobody was around. I asked when he thought his brothers’ might be coming home, and he said that he wasn’t expecting them for a few hours. We’d be alone. I guess I should have taken that as my cue to leave….I think he sensed my hesitancy, because he perked up and said he had something for me.
So he took my hand and I followed him down a hallway that led to a very lived-in boys room. Dirty clothes, used tissue and books were discarded in disarray. Instantly, he apologized for the state of the room. He was clearly embarrassed, but nonetheless, we both entered inside, and we made our way over to a dresser. As we drew closer, I noticed a clear CD-case tied in a pink bow. He handed it to me and told me that he made me a playlist. I started to melt. It was hard not to, I suppose, after all he remembered my favorite color, pink, and made something for me. No guy had ever done that until now. He suggested we listen to it, and I agreed. He put it in his CD-player, sat down on the bed, and patted the spot next to him, insinuating that I join him. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said, ‘Nothing is going to happen,’ and like a fool, I believed him, relaxed, and sat down next to him. For the first couple of songs, we sat there holding hands. At one point I even laid my head against his shoulder. Then he moved, turned to face me, and I smiled at him. It was unnerving how someone so beautiful looks when they smile at you. It’s like staring wide-eyed at the sun. His hand caressed my cheek, and his thumb lingered on my lower lip.
He drew himself closer to me, and we kissed. We had kissed before, during the school year, but it was mostly light kisses that occurred whenever others weren’t around. This was so much more than I had experienced. It was like I was alive for the first time, and all I needed to keep me breathing was his mouth against mine. Except it wasn’t enough. What he was giving me wasn’t enough. I craved him, and something else; something unknown and feral. I pulled him closer, until he fell against me, but we didn’t stop – I didn’t stop. I don’t know how long we were just making out, but I was breathless, panting and my desire felt insatiable. When he took the initiative and…pulled away…it was the briefest of moments, really only a few seconds, but it was like time slowed, and I was coming off this high. As he took off his shirt, I remembered where I was and what we were doing. I was so doped up on passionate-lust, that I couldn’t see the destructive path I was about to embark upon.
‘I-I can’t,’ I told him. He leaned in to kiss me, but I turned my head away. He looked at me confused, yet despite my rejection to kiss him, he moved in. I felt tense as he kissed my neck, his body hovering over mine as his fingers moved slowly along my side, begging me to relax. It was like a war waging between my body and my brain, and my brain was losing.
I could feel the tension drain, even though I made awkward hand movements – returning the caresses he gave.
It took a lot of coaxing on his part to get me out of my panties. I slapped his hand away, told him no, but it was his insistent ‘please’ that finally won me over – without questioning his intent.
It was around that point that Oasis’s ‘Champagne Supernova’ began to play. The song is exactly seven-minutes-and-twenty-seconds long, and sometime during those minutes is when I lost my virginity.
I can’t pinpoint when it happened, because, like earlier, we were making out, and for a while, other than sloppy caresses, that was all there was between us. I knew his hand was traveling up my leg, but as long as it didn’t get too far I didn’t mind, but the moment it felt dangerous and too close….Maybe he misunderstood my wiggling for enjoyment. It wasn’t like I stopped kissing him, you know. It wasn’t like I didn’t enjoy – whatever was happening. It’s just that I-I wasn’t ready for what was happening, and it was over so quickly that I couldn’t help but wonder if it happened, or if I was mistaken. I mean, how would I know, I’ve never done that.
So when we stopped kissing I asked, ‘Did we…?’ and he remained with his back against the bed, eyes closed, and hands cradling his head. As though exasperated, he simply stated, “Nothing happened.”
I felt emptied. Not empty, but emptied, as though he had taken everything that made me who I was, and the only remnant was my skin; discarded amongst the clothes, books, and tissue. Rubbish.
He beckoned me to him, but I didn’t want to be next to him, or anywhere near him.
He was no longer beautiful, it was like his beautiful face had cracked into a thousand fragments, and something sinister slithered and seethed underneath the surface. I grabbed my underwear, quickly put it back on, and left.”
I close my eyes, unable to face these ladies I call family. “Maybe I was trying to minimize the reality of what happened. I certainly downplayed what took place, not really seeing myself as a victim.” I open my eyes but just look down at the teacup in front of me, as if inside its empty porcelain walls I’ll find an answer to life’s most pondered questions. “So many times after it happened, I would tell myself that it wasn’t rape. That maybe I wanted it; that on some subconscious level I wanted it, and he must have known that, and that’s why he did what he did. But when the MeToo movement happened, and all those voices shared their traumas, I realized that I was a rape victim. He wasn’t violent, but rape doesn’t have to be violent to be rape. It was non-consensual, and that made it rape.”
I turn my attention to Athena, “I want you to understand one thing. You were not a mistake. I don’t regret you. The only thing I regret is not getting to be your mom those first couple years of your life. I lost out, but I wasn’t ready to be your mom. You needed stability, and I couldn’t give that to you. I hope you don’t hate me for keeping this from you. It’s not easy deciding what you’re old enough to hear, or if the decision I make is the right decision. I don’t want to hurt you.” I take a sharp breath. “If I told you early on in your life that he had hurt me, it was likely that you would take my side and reject him from your life. I needed you to decide for yourself, without my influence, if he was someone you wanted to keep in your life, since he fathered you. I’m so very thankful that I had Cato’s love and support when you re-entered my life. He loved you as if you were his own. I couldn’t have asked for a better father-figure for you.” I wipe away a trail of tears that run down her face. Before I know it, I’m embracing her, petting her hair like I have done ever since she was a toddler. “Shhh,” I croon. “I’m here, and I’ll always be here for you. You’re my baby.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she whimpers.
“You don’t have to say anything.” I hold her a smidge tighter. “Just know that I love you. I’d do it all over again to have you in my life. I love you, Thenie-baby, you’re my heart.” I close my eyes, enjoying the comfort she brings. It’s funny how the smell and warmth of your child can bring such comfort. Once she gains composure, she melts back into her chair. I turn to sit down, but my chair is blocked by Lani.
“Can we talk?” she grinds out.
I nod my head in agreement. Lani storms off, and I tag along behind her, like a dog with its tail between its legs. We walk for several minutes until she finally stops. I don’t say anything, waiting for her to start, but the silence becomes almost much too intolerable. “Lani?”
She turns to face me. She’s completely stiff, and her fists are clenched, highlighting strained, whitened knuckles. It’s evident she’s been crying. Perhaps the entire walk.
I gasp. “Oh no, Lani. Are you okay?”
“No.” she says, her voice strained. The sound is barely audible, like a harsh whisper. “I don’t,” tiny tremors shoot up Lani’s arm, and spread throughout the trunk of her body. “I can’t control this anger I have.”
“You mean because of Darius and I?”
“No,” she looks at me as tears run down her face, “because of Dav-” she closes her eyes, “Because of that fucking son-of-a-bitch.” Her eyes open, drowning in rage, “I’m gonna kill him. Lord, help me, but I’m gonna fucking murder his ass.”
I envelope Lani into a hug, and her body contorts and shakes heavily. Sobs unleash. A few people stop and gawk at us. I yell over at them, “Hey, do you mind?” which causes them to scurry away.
“Ugh, God, I’m a mess. I can’t believe I’m out here ugly-crying in public.”
“Would you prefer someplace a little more private?”
Lani’s sobs subside, “What kinda place?”
“A bush, obviously. You know me, always getting freaky in nature. I like to have the outside meet my inside.”
Lani tears away from my hug. A smile forms on her face. “Thank you. That made me feel a bit better.”
I return the smile. “What are best friends for?”
“Not bush-fucking, that’s for sure.”
“Uhhhh. That sounds really wrong, Lani.”
Lani rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean, Nasty!”
I smile innocently up at her. “I dooooo?”
“Let’s get back. Who knows what kinda mischief those girls might get into. They have you as their mama.”
“Wow, that just hit me. I have two daughters, and they’re hanging out with each other.”
“I get why you needed Darius that summer. I still don’t like it, and I don’t like that y’all kept it from me, but I forgive you both.”
“Thanks for being understanding, Lani.”
“But as for…the sperm donor…He’s a dead man walking.”
Chills invade and my back spasms from Lani’s words. I look over at her from the corner of my eye. Hate and determination fill her features, and I’m suddenly terrified for David’s life.
We return to our table, and notice that Hera and Thenie are sitting as close together as their chairs will allow, staring at Hera’s phone’s screen.
“What are you ladies up to?” Lani asks as she sits back down.
“Here.” Hera hands Lani her phone.
Lani looks at the screen, gasps, and immediately looks back up at Hera. “Is that you?” Lani’s face lights up.
“It is, Auntie.”
“Oh, look at how cute you were!”
“Can I see?” I ask, excitedly.
“Yeah, come here.”
I run over and stand behind Lani, staring at the image on the screen. A smile slowly spreads across my face. “Aw, Hera. You were so adorable.”
I stare at the photo, so lost in thought I don’t notice that Hera is now standing beside me. I turn to her and smile.
“You look like you could use a hug.”
I beam, “I would never pass on a hug if you were offering one.” We melt into each other’s warmth. I can no longer control the amassing emotions, and they spill as tears down my face.
“Thank you for finding me,” I manage, in-between sobs and, embarrassingly, a snort. I can feel Lani and Athena join in on the hug. “I’m so blessed, having you ladies in my life.” We stay this way for a minute or so.
“Okay, okay, back up. Between the heat and the tears my hair is gonna be a wreck,” Hera groans. Lani and Athena back up, but stay standing. Hera and I pull apart. She reaches for my hands. I stare at them momentarily, and then into her eyes.
“You were really brave to share that story.” Hera releases my hands and whispers into my ear, “If you ever want to dispose of that trash, you just say the word. I got connections.”
I pull back and shoot Lani a suspicious glance.
“What? Did she say somethin’ about me? Hera, you know what I told you about messin’ with your Auntie Leilani!”
“No, what she said had nothing to do with you, but she certainly thinks like you. At least when it comes to..” I flail my arms about struggling for the word, but words fail me.
“Putting out the trash.” Hera winks at Lani.
Lani stares at Hera momentarily, and then her face lights up with understanding, “Ohh!” she laughs, “You too, huh?” Lani turns to look at me, “We got you, DJ. You’re family, and we take care of family.”
“Yes,” I whisper, “Just remember he is Athena’s family, whether we like it or not.”
“Which is why we’d only do something…if you warrant that something needs to be done.”
I look from Lani to Hera, “Thank you.”
“So…?” Athena questions.
“What’s up, Thenie?”
“When are we doing it?”
I look at her confused. “Doing what?”
“Killing David.” The words are jarring to hear spill from her mouth.
“Thenie!” I scold. “No!” I stand, hands-on-hips, my eyes moving from Lani, to Hera, to Athena, and back again. “This is absolutely unacceptable. Who made me the designated adult today?” I lower my voice; something resembling a whisper but not as soft. “I appreciate each of you, and I understand how you feel, but you gotta let it go. I don’t want hate to consume you. Please? Besides,” I look to Athena, “David’s in prison…”
Athena gasps, “What? How? What did he do?”
I shrug, “I don’t know exactly, but he committed multiple felonies.”
“Well his ass is fucked.” Lani says matter-of-factly.
“Literally.” Hera interjects.
“Uncalled for,” I glare at Hera.
“Not really,” she says, “Serves him right if his pretty-boy-ass is taken without consent. Let him know how it feels.”
“I wouldn’t wish that on him.”
Hera blushes, “Sorry.”
I sigh. “It’s okay. I suppose at some point in time I did, but I certainly don’t now. I’m ashamed to admit this, and as confusing as it is; there is a part of me that still loves him.” I turn to face Athena. “There are times when I look into your eyes, I see him. Not the monster behind the facade, but that beautiful boy that I loved.” I smile lovingly at her. “I loved your father.” I turn to Hera, “and I loved your father. But they are my past. You two are my future.”
“What ‘bout me? What am I?” Lani jokes.
“You’re my future too!”
“Oh is that right?”
“Yeah,” I say, flashing her a smile, “You’re my Future Baby’s Daddy.”
“Stupid,” she says, laughing.
I open the hotel door and make my way inside. “Hey, Cato.”
All 6-feet-3-inches of him are sprawled on the bed. Cato stretches, trying to reach for me. “Mmm, Toots.”
“Were you asleep?”
“Yeah. I was at the pool for a bit, showered, and then crashed.” He looks past me, “Where’s Thenie?”
“She’s with Hera. Hera wanted to introduce her to some friends. Don’t worry, I gave Thenie a curfew, and Hera will drop her off here.”
“Hera’s dropping her off?”
“Mhm,” I say sitting down on the edge of the bed.
Cato sits up, “Does that mean I’ll get to meet her?”
I fake a smile, “I guess it does.”
A dopey grin forms on Cato’s face, “I can’t wait to meet my other daughter.”
I chuckle, “Dork.”
“Am not,” he says slightly defensive.
I place my hand on top of his, “No, you are. You’re a super-dork. I knew that when I married you, but you’re my super-dork.”
Cato kisses me. I savor the saccharine-sweetness of his mouth. “Mmmm,” I say, “You’ve been eating Skittles.”
He pulls me towards him, as he falls against the bed. Instinctively, my legs encase his thighs.
He bites my lower lip and I moan. His hands run with abandon down my backside. I know where this is heading. Damnit, I think as I pull away from him. My hands plant against the bedsheets, one on each side of his head.
He looks up into my eyes, and I can see the sexual intoxication. He shoots me a lazy smile. His lips are full and inviting. God, how I want to rub my teeth against them. I offer him a smile for a moment. “We need to talk.”
The lust leaves his face, and he grows serious; almost panicked. “Shit, are you okay?” Cato isn’t the type to use profanity, and I’m not the type to disengage from getting fucked by him. “Yes….No…. I don’t know. It’s been…much.”
Cato pulls me against him, and I allow my head to seek out the warmth of his chest. “I’m here to listen if you need to talk.” His hand pets my head, “and I’m here to hold you in silence if that’s what you need.”
God, he’s so good to me, and I feel like shit for abusing his trust. I sigh. “Cato…Darius and I had sex.”
He stops petting my head for the briefest of seconds, and then resumes.
“Darius is in town,” I blurt.
Cato’s hand comes to a dead halt. We’re lying in silence. Excruciating silence. “You gotta help me out here, Toots. How did you meet up with Darius? Does he live in California?”
“No, no of course not. I asked him to fly here.”
“You asked him to fly here so you could sleep with him?”
I cup my mouth and start laughing hysterically. Cato looks at me with exasperation. “I’m sorry.” The laughter is almost too much to contain. “I-I didn’t invite him here for that!” I wipe a tear from my eye. “Oh my God, I needed that laugh. Not as good as…” I eye-fuck him briefly as I caress his bottom lip.
I clear my throat, “Right. Sorry. I invited him here because…” I grab my phone and unlock the screen.
“Because of her…” I say as I hold out my phone to Cato. A photo of Hera next to Darius fills up the screen.
Cato sits up as he gingerly takes the phone from my hand.
“I didn’t sleep with Darius, or anyone for that matter, other than you, since we’ve been together. I’m committed to us. But…I did sleep with Darius shortly after I had been with David.”
Cato stares at the phone, squinting, looking confused, and forcing a smile. “She looks just like you.”
“A-Are you mad?”
Cato looks up at me, his voice is quiet, “Why would I be mad at you, Toots?”
“Well…because I kept that from you. I never told you that Darius and I had been intimate.”
Cato’s forehead wrinkles in confusion as he hands me back my phone, “You told me. Years ago.”
“No I didn’t. I told you that Darius and I had a summer-teenage-romance-thingy that Lani didn’t know about.”
“And you think I wouldn’t have guessed you two had sex?”
“I mean…we were teenagers…”
Cato raises an eyebrow. “Teenagers have sex. How do you think you got pregnant with Athena? and… wait…how did you get pregnant with Hera?”
“Funny you should ask. Hera has a TikTok about this!….About the scientific term and blah blah blah. Not a TikTok of Darius impregnating me back then. That would be weird.”
Cato shoots me a strange look. “Is there a sex tape floating around of you and Darius that I should be aware of?”
I look at Cato dumbfounded. “Uh, well now that you mention it…”
I’m joking,” I laugh. “Sorry. Couldn’t resist. It was too easy!”
Cato looks at me slightly irritated, and I know that I better shut this down fast.
I clear my throat. “I’m sorry. Bad timing. I know we’ve all been stressed.” I sigh. “I was hoping to get you to smile. You seem a little…distant…and I know I must have done something-”
“It’s not because of you,” he interjects.
I tilt my head.
Cato purses his lips momentarily. “I’m just processing. These past few days, I thought David had gotten you pregnant with twins. I find out that two separate men get you pregnant and I…I can’t even get you pregnant after years of trying.”
“Dimitri,” I can feel my heart break, “no, no, no.” I throw myself against him, embracing him as tightly as I can. Our bodies tremble as he sobs.
I stroke his back as his tears subside. He lets out a breath. I can feel myself being gently pushed away by his large hands against my shoulders. I look up at him, concern painted upon my face.
“Of all the things I could think to give you, a baby is the one thing I have failed to give you. I just feel so incomplete, Toots. I feel like a failure.”
I trace the path of tears that stain his face. “Oh, Dimitri.” He looks at me helplessly, tears glistening in his eyes. I lean my head against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat lulls me.
“I know you want a child with me. More than anything I wish that was our reality. I’m sorry that it isn’t. It’s a strange concept; I birthed Hera but never raised her. I wasn’t there when she said her first word, took her first step. I wasn’t around for any of her childhood milestones…hell, I wasn’t around for her childhood. I wasn’t around for any of it. What I’m getting at is this, you were around for Athena. We experienced that together. Maybe not all of her milestones, and certainly not the infant and baby stage, but still…you might not have made her, but she’s your daughter. You raised her, just like you would have done if you and I had a baby together. Fathering a baby is not as important as being a child’s dad, and there could have been nobody better for that role than you, Dimitri. I love you.”
“I love you too, Toots. Thanks.”
I look up at him, “Well if you really wanna thank me, I could think of a few different positions…”
Cato laughs. “You took it there pretty fast.”
“I’m pretty handsy like that!” I say proudly.
“You mean handy?”
“No, I mean handsy,” I say as I slide my hand against his thigh and work my way up.
“Behave,” he growls with a smile.
“Never,” I whisper as my hand caresses its goal.
“Ah, I’m so sad that we’re leaving Cali,” Athena sighs, as she looks out the window. Palm trees gently sway in the distance as the plane begins taxiing.
“Me too,” I say. “Cali will always be my home.”
Cato squeezes my knee reassuringly. “I’m sure we’ll be back soon. Our other daughter is here.” He looks over at Athena, “And your other half.”
Athena rolls her eyes. “Dad?”
“You’re being such a Dad with your dad-jokes. Maybe you can take your Dad’ing down a notch?”
Cato pretends to recoil as if he’s touched a hot surface, “You burn me.”
Athena playfully sticks her tongue at him.
Cato bends over to whisper to Athena, “Hey you know something?”
“You and I have something in common.”
“We’re both twins.”
Athena smiles, “That’s right! Obviously, I get that from you, Dad.” Athena rests her head against Cato’s shoulder.
Cato turns to look at me. He’s glowing with pride. I wink at him, and he returns the wink.
I smile and close my eyes, as I relax into the chair. What a journey these past few days have been, I think. Not just a physical journey, but also a journey of self-discovery. I had no idea how heavy those secrets had been all these years. Hera had been the push I needed to finally confess to Lani that Darius and I had been involved romantically in our youth, as well as disclose what David had done.
I open my eyes and look out the window. Our plane has turned onto the runway. In seconds the plane will move, thrust, and we will be propelled upwards, into a sea of clouds.
I lean over and whisper into Cato’s ear, “Sir, are you aware that your membership to the Mile High Club is about to expire?” He doesn’t look at me, but I can see a smile slowly appear on his face.
“Is that so?”
“I’m afraid it is, but don’t worry. I can take care of your renewal. However, there will be a service fee. Would you like to handle this service fee now or when the seatbelt sign clears?” I purr.
Cato chuckles. “Definitely not now.”
“Ah, very good, Sir, I’ve scheduled a reservation for you. Make sure you head to the bathroom on this side of the plane, and that you’re not late. I would hate to renew someone else by mistake.”
“You’re one of a kind, Toots.”
I lean my head against his shoulder as the plane begins to move, “As are you, Dimitri. As are you.”
**** Author’s Note ****
A BIG THANKS to all my Dear Readers that have trekked through DJ’s Story. I plan to take a slight break from SERIOUS topics, and just share a story (or 2 or 3) that are just DJ doing what she does best: Getting into crazy situations.
So I officially invite all my Dear Readers to come party with DJ, Lani, and Lani’s bridal party in Las Vegas, Nevada!!!! (It’s a Work in Progress, with a hopeful release date of May 2022. Feel free to read a small section from the upcoming 3-part series BELOW)!
“HE’S GOT A GUN!” I yell. Lani and Barbie turn, stare at me, and scream. In a state of panic, Barbie scrambles into the front seat, squishing Lani. I run and dive into the backseat of the car.
“FUCKING DRIVE!” Anita screams at the driver, while pounding against his headrest. Thankfully, his brain catches up, and he peels away from the curb in seconds. The car zigzags, and the backseat passenger door swings around.
“CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR!” The Uber driver screams at us. I right myself up, hold onto one of Neteya’s boob’s for support, reach for the handle and close the door.
Your story is so well written and entertaining. That was tough to read, and sad that it really happens to some people, but it was so nice to see all those ladies supporting DJ though it. I have very much enjoyed reading your story ❤️ I cannot wait for the next part coming up (in May, hopefully!) It sounds very exciting already. And now I’m inspired to keep writing my story too 😁 ✨
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Thank you for such a sweet comment, and of course reading/commenting. I’m so glad you enjoyed the stories ❤
I'm so glad that you're inspired to write ❤
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This particular entry is quite emotional. All of it is tough. Maybe this will help Lani understand that she needs to be a bit less intense and more willing to listen . Poor DJ needed to get all that out…the fact that she had to sneak and take a drink 😢. Omg and then Cato. That got to me foreal! Goodness just rip my heart out!! Him remembering that he does have a baby made me happy. Cato is perfect for DJ! I loved this!!!
And now the Bachelorette party 🥳 or should I say 😬😬😬
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I think if Cato were around she would have just jumped him in the bushes. Maybe not even the bushes. Right out in the open. Might have been better that she had Grey Goose lol For Cato anyways.
Awww I am sorry about the whole Cato thing. I didn’t even think about it until your comment.
I really wanted people to fall in love with Cato ❤
Hahaha (so far) the party is gonna be quite the wild adventure. Can't wait to show you!!
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This was powerful writing- especially the description of DJ drinking that Grey Goose (how long has she been carrying that in her clutch?) and recounting her story about David. My heart is warm and happy seeing her able to open up to such a supportive group of friends and family!
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Haha thank you 😀 I’m pretty sure she swiped it from the hotel’s mini fridge :p
It is so helpful having friends/family that are supportive 🙂
Thank you for reading/commenting, Manny!
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Okay, I will admit when I read the words “final chapter” I was about to riot because I want more DJ!!! But I am relieved that she’ll be going on other adventures—especially the Bachelorette Party we all deserve lololol. It sounds like there is gonna be some drama.
This chapter. Whew. Let me just say, I think it was really well written and you dealt with the topic so well. Unfortunately, I think too many of us ladies know this feeling, and the way you described DJ as being ashamed and confused about what happened to her really rings true. I said it once and I’ll say it again, give Vlad two seconds with David. Lani and Hera agree with me!!!
Really though, it was so beautiful when she tells both her daughters that they are her future and her best friend too. It was like the jolt of girl power and love I needed after that scene (AGAIN EFF DAVID FOREVER). It shows how much healing she’s done, even if she did slip and down that little bottle. I’m glad she and Lani made up. And even though I was all “Darius is her true love” last chapter, I can see now that I was wrong. Cato is her perfect match and I loved that you showed him crying and being emotional and supportive. We can have masculinity without toxicity damn it!
I can’t wait to see what DJ gets into next!
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LMAO. Awww that is the sweetest, thank you! ❤
Oh there will def be drama. I'm almost certain that the "D" in DJ stands for "Drama." 😉 Vegas ain't ready for what is about to be brought!
That is a very sweet compliment, and I truly appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah, and it is terrible that it is a subject we know all too well about. Another flaw in society that needs some major adjustment. Bahahaha, send in Vlad. I consent :p
D'aaaaw you have me blushing.
Like for real is there anything hotter than a man that talks about emotions and isn't afraid to cry? Like, dude, don't send me a dick pic, send me a pic of you crying ;p Vulnerability is exposing your biggest organ…your heart (okay maybe not literally biggest organ, but figuratively is acceptable).
Thanks again for reading/commenting ❤ I love reading your insight.
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I can’t believe David- ugh! Chop off his dick and give it to his dog, seriously. I have to say as well i love your writing, particularly your descriptions- I could totally taste that Gray Goose and feel the sun on my skin! Can’t wait for the party in Vegas, w00000t!
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Ugh, I know. David is quite the piece of….
Aw thank you so much, Treason ❤ Hahaha nothing like feeling some Grey Goose and sun 😉
Thanks for reading and commenting 😀
This was so good! Thanks for the read and props for finishing the story! I feel there’s something I can learn from you as a fellow writer.
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I’m glad you enjoyed the stories! Thank you for reading and commenting!
Such a sweet comment. You have me blushing ❤
I think most of what I want to say about this beautiful chapter has already been said, so I’ll try to go maybe more meta and literary! I’ll try. But first, a recreation of a misreading:
dolly’s brain: oh, so she is implied to be a recovering alcoholic—wait, an ENTIRE BOTTLE of goose? a whole bottle! girl!! you gonna die!! and out of that teeny sequin clutch? oh, lol, i love metacommentary like that of sims being able to fit large shit in their inventory
actual story: “… a MINI BOTTLE of goose, Dolly…”
dolly’s brain: oh
There’s always a balance when entertaining or lighthearted characters have to get serious, and the first time I saw the narrative reflecting that was DJ not pointing out the implications of a boys’ room being strewn with used tissue. (Personally, I always put a tissue box on the bedside table when designing rooms for teenage boys, and no one calls me out, and I laugh really hard to myself.) But I can feel something else in this chapter, a dissatisfaction with the way these things are often presented in media. Gonna give these things a shout-out and please tell me if I missed any:
– Clearly stating that even with DJ being DJ and totally in the mood, since she clearly refused, this act should correctly be treated as rape.
– Focusing on the specific things DJ felt afterwards, like feeling emptied and discarded (and nice image edits with the desaturation!). As opposed to not just having her say the word “rape” and taking focus away from what that experience meant for her. Plus—as Ferosh said—FAR TOO MANY of us can relate to that: my wording for the most recent traumatic event was “dirty and used,” and that was from harassment, not assault. Of course, rape is an act of dehumanization, and this narrative humanizes her.
– Making clear that David’s way of controlling the situation was to gaslight her. “Nothing happened.” Totally deserved to be the chapter title. Grrr. I’m gonna punch something.
– Bringing light to all the extra shit DJ had to to but David didn’t, ranging from deciding when to tell her friends know the full story to BIRTHING AN ENTIRE FUCKING KID which could have killed her to having to make a tough judgment call on whether to . (I would’ve personally done it differently but respect and understand why DJ chose to keep that info from Athena.)
– DJ stating that prison rape jokes are never okay, because they never are, and WTF ’90s and early aughts.
– DJ’s daughters and friend immediately believing her and not questioning the experience. There are different ways to do this, like showing how recounting and recounting and recounting the event and being disowned by your family and branded as a liar, and harassed—okay, that’s rambling, I mean like showing how survivors can be re-traumatized after the event. But this is accurate to what a lot of people do experience, nice escapism for people who have gone through the above, and, honestly, fits the best with the characters as you’ve established them.
– Cato being a boss and giving us a master class on how to approach a loved one coming to them with this information, then DJ listening to his concerns and emotionally supporting him as well. A healthy couple!
– And, of course, DJ still being DJ and keeping her strong sex drive—uh, personality, when all is said and done.
Overall, some great lines here, great handling of a difficult topic, and now I’m all caught up in time for the bachelor party! Yay! Party time! Excellent!
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LMAO at the vodka bottle. Could you imagine? Death by alcohol poisoning. One way to get out of DJ having to relive that David-memory 😐 Former party girl dead from STILL not knowing her limit. Hahaha. Omg I want to write this obituary.
Ahahahaha the nasty tissues! I love that you decorate your male simmies rooms with a tissue box. That cracked me up. I also love that you point out when DJ has clearly missed an opportunity to be that mind-slut that she is, however, as you pointed out, this was b/c she was being serious (as well as comparing the tissue represented her, all the way down to the saturation level….oh THAT sounds gross… uh saturation in color not….in wetness).
It’s funny that you brought up birthing Athena as something David didn’t have to deal with (fact) – It’s not a thought I thought of But you’re absolutely right, David and other cis-males will never have to worry/deal with bodily-housing human-parasites.
I will say, as you pointed out how survivors are not always believed, especially by members of their own family, that when I write, I do not want to write a character or a scenario that is … icky. I’d rather have my stories, even the serious ones, be escapism-friendly, rather than terrifying or “too real.” If that makes sense. So, having her close friends/family not believe her would just be absolutely not something I would want to write, and I don’t know if it would be something others would want to read. It would be like a survivors handbook how to navigate shitty situations, but do I touch on this later on? Absolutely! If you think Lani’s a boss, wait till you see Gen 😉
Cato is amazing.
I’m glad you liked the story and thank you so much for all your comments and insight! xoxox
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Fun story ❤
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Glad you enjoyed the 6-parts ❤ Thank you for reading/commenting!
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I’m happy I finally had a chance to read this. This is such a beautifully done chapter. My heart breaks for DJ the moment she explains what she’s been doing with the Grey Goose.
Unfortunately, I live in a place where her conversation with her family could never happen, because here if a victim isn’t physically forced or threatened it just isn’t “rape”. Victims have to fight back. So parents and friends have to have victim-blamey conversations about how girls should behave: they must hit back (which can get them killed) or never let themselves be alone with any guy. It doesn’t matter if the attacker is her father or if she’s 14 years old either. It’s sad and enraging at the same time.
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Thank you, Haneul ❤
I am sorry that where you live that is normalcy. It is an outdated and unfortunate concept that women need to control their sexuality, even if they are too young to be aware of their sexuality.
Between 2008-2010 I wrote a very different version of DJ's life, but David fathering Athena was still the same. At the time, I didn't consider it rape because it wasn't violent and she wasn't aggressively saying no to him. I just saw it as him taking advantage of her…until the MeToo movement happened, because of my conditioning, I didn't realize what qualified as sexual assault.
Thank you for reading the story and your comment ❤ I appreciate it.
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I’m an optimist and a lot of people are working for change here, so I think we will get to where we make it so that violent resistance isn’t necessary. I just hope it happens without some horrible case/injustice making it obvious. East Asia is getting better.
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